fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
