Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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