Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
