This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
