she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
