Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
