I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
