Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
