theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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