the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
