just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
