dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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