Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
