do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
