This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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