Already got asked if we're dating
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
