It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
