i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
