i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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