fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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