its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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