I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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