Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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