I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize