Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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