either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
