My hand turned me down
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
