Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
