Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
