if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
