Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
