He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
