I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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