that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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