I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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