So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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