i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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