Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize