What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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