i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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