So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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