hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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