last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone came in the potted fern
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
