oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize