see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
