So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
