And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
