i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
