btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
