Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
