you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
