The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
