Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
