You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
