Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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