I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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