you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
