i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
