3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
