You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
