meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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