Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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