I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
