..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
