I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
