She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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