I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
