I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
