I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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