saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
