A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
