I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
